It Ends Tonight

All those emotional tremors that have been persisting, all those tormenting moments is all over. Coming to think of it, like everyone else, everything just seems like so yesterday. When we are still lamenting on how much we hated Cambridge and stuffs. Ten years of studies and hard work for it has finally came to an end.

It has always been easy said to be done, to tell ourselves, put everything aside and enjoy the time you have now, it’s over, but I guess I can never had that mentality, is more of time to worry for my result instead, judging from the way I prepared for my O level. I guess it is definitely some horror to people around me, imagine going for my Social Studies,  with only one chapter studied in mind,  flipping and glancing through only the first few chapters and went for my Biology paper 2 just like that, and well that terrifying list goes on for most of my other papers.

No doubt that I managed to crap through and had leave minimal blank throughout all my papers, but personally I just insist that on average this year papers is much tougher than the other previous years! Let’s just take it that we are ill-fated then! !

Just wanna thanks this person that guide and supported me through the whole journey, when nothing seems to be working , I thanks him for giving me the power to struggle through. Thank God for his unfailing love and blessing pour onto me in this period of time! Everything happen because of his grace, blessed be the name of the Lord!

What done is done, I know nothing can be change through my physical means, time to live by faith and by sight!

Prom is finally over, and I am so going to say Prom is such a bitch, thanks for burning such a big hole, that I can’t even see any pocket now! Nevertheless it was a great night yesterday, despite the countless embarrassment I had to endure on stage! Moreover had a nice time catching up with my fellow Sec4 Councillors during the over night hang out together! It was a simple, yet fruitful one I guess!

S-H-A-G! Only got home at 8am this morning!

This post is supposed to be up days ago, but thanks to my procrastination!

Anyway guys do introduce me any jobs, because my desperate mother is chasing me out to work, when I don’t even have the intention to work, I really want to enjoy my long deserved HOLIDAYS, after realising that holidays aren’t what they meant to be all these years! D:!

A new chapters is unveiling, a whole journey is embarking, and I am so going to say I am not looking forward to it!

Butterflies flying

In a blink of an eye, is hard but I pulled myself up again, faced the reality without any confidence, declaring that the hell starts tomorrow.

Deon said something to me just now and that indeed really woke me up.
“When can you pull up your socks and stop sinking deeper…..”

I totally felt like a loser for that very instance, so what can I do now. The inner soul of mine is shouting in despair. If crying does help, I hope I could do that, but that will just make me becoming a sore loser. I need some assurance here, although I know I don’t deserve that at all. Will I be able to sustain my results is the main concern here.

When autumn ends.

*Please don’t complain that my post is long,  if you seriously have problem reading long post, I will repeat myself one more time again, read a paragraph per day! -.-* Just find it so hard to cater to this group of people, they are damn troublesome! I am really sorry, because you guys just have to know that I am not blessed with such talents!

I did some modification to my theme, links and everything else were shifted to below of the page! Anyway I had removed my twitters, and devoted myself wholeheartedly to Plurk! So check that up, if you want know more about what I am doing daily. http://plurk.com/koky_93

Autumn is bidding farewell, and winter is arriving, which mean O is coming, like real soon!  So you guys should feel glad that despite my tight schedule I am still here to post. I am afraid that you guys might just thought that I had already died or what, but don’t worry I am absolutely fine, as one whole piece like before.

So a quick update here, before I head back for my revision, like as if I am that hardworking? LOL!

I shall start with the Mid-autumn festival celebration I had with my Ten Brothers, I know that was really a super out-dated one, and almost all of them had already blogged about it. Well, all I could say is that, the best thing are always kept till the last!
So basically we had our dinner together at the already booked Pepper lunch that very night and like usual, we will be crapping non-stop, within our own gangs, namely the seniors and the juniors. Call it a a generation gap or what, I think most of us felt awkward at the starting and we don’t really clique well, maybe because we seldom really met up, if I am not wrong the last time was like so many months ago, so having that barrier is totally understandable, but thanks God that barrier didn’t persist long.
After the dinner, we went for shopping, in searching of lanterns and candles. Unfortunately, I think such items are consider low class to be sold at such a shopping mall, sad to say even Giants only sells the lanterns only but not the candles, so it kinda of dumb, when they expect us to carry lanterns that is not lit! Can’t blame them for that, because the conditions of Global Warming has been worsening, so I think they are trying to encourage lesser emission of C02, you know when organic compounds undergoes Combustion reaction, CO2 are given off. Gosh I am becoming so Chemistry-fy! In the end, we had no choice but to leave with disappointment.
We carried on with our plan, went over to Toh Guan, hoping that we could try our lucks on those provision shops there, and the lucky us got it. Got ourselves a handful boxes of candles, 2 lanterns, wondering why two only, elaboration will be provided on later and last but not least a box of whistling sparklers. I almost wanted to suggest them to buy that whole box of candles, cause I knew it will never be enough for those people. Headed over to some void decks like some gangs for our main activity.
You know those standard things, sticking candles all over the floor and start taking whatever shit that is within your sight and start burning! What else can we do, it just seems like some tribal gathering having campfire, and not forgetting a few who are constantly trying to formulating out a rocket, by crashing the sparklers to tiny bits like powder- increase surface ratio to volume, increase frequency of effective collision due to the increase surface for reactants to react on, thus increase rate of reaction! Okay A1 for Chemistry! FTW!
Seriously the whole void deck was fuming with smoke, like Singapore just got a terrorist attack!
After all the whole session was nothing special and exciting and to be frank I wasn’t really enjoying it at all initially, but came to think of it, the joy came in at the part where I happen to relieve through my childhood memories, because such activities could be consider as classic back then. Other than that, seeing all of them having fun, bring joys to me too, you don’t need to be happy to feel happy, seeing others being happy can be a form of joy too!
Everything went on fine on that day, just that the weather weren’t on our side, it had been drizzling since the evening, so everything were held indoor, nevertheless I think they still enjoyed themselves!
The photo below explains the use of the two lanterns!

End off the whole outing with a last minute late night movie at WestMall, was practically rushing there like a mad dog to catch the last show. There were many options for us to chose from, but we ended up with Accident, a show totally so not for us! -.- Wanted to watch a NC16 horror movie, but you know we are with a bunch of small boys that is under 16, so just make do with that! I told you guys that Cloudy with a chance of meatballs are more suitable for you guys, so you guys could save up all the whining!
Accident was not bad after all either, but I could say that this movie required lots of higher-order thinking, because message weren’t really put across in a very direct manner. The plot was full of suspense and things were sort of unclear here and there. The movie went on with a very slow pace and was indeed draggy, which young people who seek for thrill, getting sick of it easily. The thrill manage to come in only at the later part of the movie, and indeed the movie is able to charm us with its creative plot, witty characters and totally unexpected way to create any accident scene! Good to go for those who think they need some brain work, wait I think it is no longer on show anymore LOL!

Went home after that with a mentality to study,so got myself Ice coffee, with the intention to keep myself awake through the night.  Finished it and went to my sleep immediately, and I find it making no sense totally, I went asleep, instead of being awake! Am I that immune to caffeine? I feel so sad about it!

I am very annoyed over the fact that, people always book me at the wrong time! The mid-autumn festival was an clear example, first JW booked me a few weeks ago for Mid autumn, then came my councillors and not forgetting my classmates. So according to priority, it is definitely lawful for me to attend the one that booked me first, which leaves me feeling bad to reject the others.
Why must they have the same things on the same days, when I got so many other days free for them to chose from! When I needed someone to book me, none of them did! -.-!
I guess all of them enjoyed their celebrations in one way or another. At least one fact I knew is that definitely my councillors did so much better in formulating a better way in creating rocket, using sparklers.

The below video explains all, adding on, that is really sweet of YZ to do such a video! Aww! His clip just make me emotional everything I see it! Can’t accept the fact that I am already known ex-Hua Yian! :’(

Lost but not yet found.

When everything deep down inside had went through the test of faith
and sway with those storms, some left, some disappear,
some I let go and gave up. You guys have still remain
firm, steadfast, irreplaceable and being the memories that never seems to fade in me.

Happen to see this photos in my pouch, when everything else seems to get missing in that pouch, it has always been there.

Beginning this post with lots of emotions running through my mind, nostalgia set in, the sentimentalism was exceptionally strong. What’s more can you feel when you talk about such missing that is beyond words.

Skimming and scanning those posts a year ago, which is too just round this corner is enough to see the changes we had gone through from then on. Things weren’t in the right track back then nor is it now, things were sort of unclear here and there. Weather shall be the term used  to describe us, it has been always on and off. Things always appear totally unexpected and within one’s could control. Some came while some go, but there aren’t a chance when all of us could come together. Absolutely no more from then on. Whatever it is, those moment seems beyond reach and sort of impossible, yet I still earnestly await and yearn for a day where we could come along together to where we used to be. When everything is clear, no more misunderstandings.

If I ever have a chance again, believe that I can change, to keep us together. Whatever it takes, to turn it back round. How I wish to use term such as Andy Didi and Baoda Jie, those terms that sounds amiable but yet words that sound so distant for us now.

You will never know unless you experience. Experience is unlike any other teacher, because she give the test first, lesson will only be coming afterwards.

This had already been something that transcend friendship and the naive me took it as a relationship that I never wanted to let go, because the heart has reason that reason does not understand. Even it might forever be just a wishful thoughts that could never happen, but I had learnt to allow it to be part of me, somewhere where I can relieve on whenever I need them. Forgetting somethings that you had cherish and held on so dearly, is just as simple as calling you to remember something that you had never gone through and came across. Never ask yourself how worth is your action, caused you know you are once happy before so what’s more is there to be question about.

When you know you can no longer be hurt at the utmost point, it only means it is time for you to start loving. As the saying goes, never prioritise someone that only treat you  just as an options.  I hope I have always been a priority to you guys, and is not just an options.  Just like how you guys are in me. Precious <3

Quoted from Jian Ri, “Memories of the past are a blur. But they’ll come back to haunt you eventually.”

Gearing Up!

People coming to my blog has been dropping greatly, according to the statistic, I am losing almost half of my usual readers, so the lazy me have no choice but to do something to restore the current situation back to the status quo. This only prove that either readers are not coming because I am not updating or it is because O/EOY is nearing and they are keeping themselves away from their com, or worse still my contents are too boring! I hope the last point shouldn’t be part of the reason! I just hate people whining I have long post, like you expect me to write a few sentences to account for my thoughts and life. Hey this is journal, not summary writing! -.-! It is not like I blog daily with a whole chunks of words.
Well, I think it is inappropriate to say that I am lazy, I should say I have no time, since people like to use terms like hiatus to excuse themselves for being missing in action. While I don’t think that there is a point of doing so, it is not like you are really that hook up with your study that you spent 24/7 just on it. However, definitely the usual routine would be interrupted, meaning the blogging frequency will be lessen as I promise myself to commit myself more into study, needless to say since O is like less than a month? It would be mandatory for me to study, remember the dark horse award will be mine!

Prelim has officially finally came to an end, and I am rather pleased with the result I got, improvement is shown. Just have to work even harder to secure my As. Putting those disappointment aside, is time for me to gear up for the last lap.

Argh! Left my phone at the bus, thanks Ser Li for helping, is horrible not having your phone by your side, got the sudden feeling that you are no longer connected to the world, thanks goodness I still got my lappy. But I feel so sad because I will have to find a replacement to be my alarm tomorrow morning, other than that I am fine without my phone, unlike some others! LOL! -.-!

First Blood

These few days were supremely horrible, was practically sick for the whole week.

Diagnosed with Food Poisoning yesterday, was feeling darn shitty! Imagine having to travel to the toilet for almost every 10-20min, until you don’t even bother to sit down, because your anus is just too painful. Imagine having the urge to defecate, when you are half way through doing your papers, and almost on the verge of just letting it pass out. I almost wanted to request to take my paper inside the toilet, more convenient for me! Imagine you did not dare to put yourself to sleep because you are afraid that those shit might just leak out anytime while you are still in your dreamland. Seriously, I was considering to get myself a diaper. Furthermore, I was wondering can I just throw those feces out through my mouth, since I felt like vomiting all the time. Quite disgusting actually, but at least my anus wouldn’t had to suffer. But to be exact I don’t think what I let out was actually stool, it’s more like mud, imagine turning tap with water charging out? Yea that was how those feces get out. Gosh those days were hell.
What’s more had to endure with the stupid Kaolin Mixture, beige, slimy substance gave by the doctor, you know how much I hated medicine that is mixture, I started eating pills and tablets when I am very young, never had I expected myself having to drink that again when I am having diarrhea, was like WTH when I actually saw them placing it on the counter. On the other hand, the mixture wasn’t that bad after all, it tasted like some peppermint syrup LOL!

Adding on to this shit I had to face, I got first blood when I received back my Elementary Maths result, like usual, I failed it again. Although I believe I did much better this time round as compare to Mid year and having to face this was no longer any surprise, yet a certain level of disappointment still exist within me. What really struck me hard, was what Teacher S said. I was not the one that is first mentioned by her this time round, however she said that I am the one that she most worried for when she was going through the paper. Aww, I really hope I can do much better than that for O.

God cure me from all those endless problems! I want to start working hard. Have been lying down on my bed for the whole day, head was damn heavy and pain, felt so useless and weak. I wasn’t really happy that we have no school until next week! I want to go back to school! Oh ya there is school tomorrow for my class, Maths mock test! AHH! Not again! Now I know the cons of having a class relay!
Preparing for killing spree, had this strong feeling that I shrewd up my prelim! Hmph!

Thanks BABI LIM for saving my life! <3

DUMB!

How much more dumb can I be, to say that Chemistry Paper 1 is on Monday! Thanks Goodness that I chatted with BS and realised that chemistry paper 1 is on wednesday same as Biology paper 1! Imagine If I never asked her whether if she had prepared, I would already be like a idiot tomorrow in school, like wow I am so early today! -.-!

A week not meant for me.

Pooh handrawn by me using paint!

If this week happen to be at some where not in my secondary 4 lives, it would be so much better, but so sad to say I will consider this a horrible week, one of the worst nightmare in this year, if I still remember O is just round the corner.

Definitely it was a eventful week to keep me off with those boring days, like how I was complaining how boring my life was last post, and TADA the contradicting me decided to come back to whine that my life is too happening, after all feeling the same degree of frustration.
I feel so sorry for my books, I bet that they are emo-ing already, since I had decided to abandon them for the past one week, leaving them totally unattended! What shocking after that was I remembered that I had Chemistry Paper1 on the coming Monday, yet I had not yet prepared for it. Physic student already got back their results for their paper 2, due to none other than the super efficient Teacher Y and that indeed was a wake up call for me, to start working hard on my paper1. The highest score for my class was like just 46/80, isn’t that scary? I consider myself fortunate and lucky for not choosing triple science now. And for me, I have not much confident in my Chemistry Paper 2 either, hope for a pass. It all depends on Paper1 now, which I haven’t been preparing! !

Monday, out to meet C and R for K birthday celebration, but K fall sick, like usual gay like him are always weak. Went to watch The Proposal, after that went off to prepare, while I decided to go bubble tea shop and later JW house to kill time, before we met together again at someone place, and we had a overnight stay there.

Tuesday, woke up and went home around the noon, and had another round of sleep all the way till the night.

Wednesday, was pester by V to go pool, but my initial plan was to go study. In the end still went to play with them at Arena, D, BS, MH, PZ and V was there.

Thursday, original plan by HM was to go Sentosa, few days before that changed to East Coast Park. In the end when I am almost half leg outside my door, received a sms, saying that it was cancelled due to the heavy rain. In the end decided to meet up at JP to have lunch, J,TT, TG and E were there, went a few round like usual to settle which place to dine in. Settled with Lai Lai casual dining. HM came and joined us after that, loiter around aimlessly for darn long, decided to go over to Gek Poh Shopping Mall after that, for LAN. Played L4D, that was totally madness and I am so loving it! I was freaking high and crazy when I am playing that game, I am sure I will be back another time to try the other campaigns, only managed to complete one that day. Went off, while SH came to continue the game.

Friday, woke up super early again, went back to school together with JW,H and S, went to YuYing Secondary to watch the friendly between our school volleyball girls and them. Didn’t join them for lunch after that, rushed down to Jurong West Stadium for D birthday celebration. Many were there, which I didn’t really saw who they were and can’t recalled who were there. Many of them left for pool shortly after I arrived, didn’t join them, was damn lazy to travel again, stay and played badminton with A,AN,MF and YG. Went home for my bath, and headed over to D house for Wii games, beach volleyball and figure skating, with XZ and Y. Spent a freaking 30min or more just to wait for the 187, was greatly pissed off because of that!
Supposed to go cineleisure for dinner with those church people, but decided not since I don’t have money already. I felt so darn honoured because S,Q and XZ, all didn’t went because I didn’t want to go! :$~

Today, finally had my long deserved sleep, after having to wake up super early, when you only slept super late at night. Went over to my cousin house in the noon, after zillion year. Used to go there everyday 2-3 years back. Slacked at there.

That is all for the past 6 days. Wondering should I go for Service tomorrow or should I stay at home to mug like mad? -.-!

BOREDOM!

Life these days were just purely boredom and is seriously much duller than any shit you can find. The feeling of emptiness is still haunting down on me, I miss watching my Fated to love you every night, I shouldn’t had watched it that fast. 
Pulling myself through every seconds, is considerably a achievement to me. I am just too lazy to get my butt out of my house these days and furthermore, efforts were not paid off despite I had tried my best to find something to keep me entertained and engaged over the net. Playing Maplestory was the most I could go, and even that doesn’t seems to be able to solve the boredom issue, in fact maple was sort of my last resort. Is pretty obvious that nothing seems to be helping the situation and well all I could say is that I had no choice but to indulge myself in sleeping marathon, love lazing around on my sofa or bed cuddling with my lovely penguin all day long. No joke I could just keep sleeping and even after that sleep, I could still feel as tired as how I felt before I had my sleep. Suspecting myself having some sleeping disorder!

But the worst irritation now is that, my mind had lost the momentum in studying and I thought I had already finished taking my O level. I don’t feel like picking those books up again! Gosh! That is the most unfavourable mindset I could have in mind. O is like less than 2 months away, yet I thought it had already been over, what’s more when there is like still two more paper before it marks the official end of prelim and I had already got insane by allowing my mind to think that O is over! Wake up please!

Prelim has been so far so manageable and good. I am more prepared this time round than mid-year, studied much more than mid-year, but I don’t think my result will get any better than mid-year either, at least hope for a pass for everything will be more than fine with me!
Hope I got my point right this time round, wrote about trust for my English paper, hope it will not turn out like mid-year where I got confused with aspiration and inspiration, getting the whole idea wrong.
Had much confident in both my maths and science papers this time round! Good thing! Way to go!
Combined Humanities like usual, managed to crap my way through and the good thing is that I only didn’t managed to complete one of the Source-based question for Social Studies!

Can’t wait for O to arrive, want to get over with it for once and all! Not forgetting, the boredom I would have to face after my O! Dread it as much as I dread taking my O! I will miss school like mad! Serious study after this september holiday or maybe during the holiday! Want to go out for some sun and breather! Sentosa any takers?

Fated to love you!

FATE

• something that unavoidably befalls a person
• the universal principle or ultimate agency by which the order of things is presumably prescribed; the decreed cause of events; time
• that which is inevitably predetermined
• a prophetic declaration of what must be

That is what fate is all about, and it seems like fate is something we can’t possibly change, because they are plans that are beautifully created by someone. But who is the someone that is governing over this thing? If we were to say that God is the governing body that rule over our life, then it is not wrong to say that God will know our future, which otherwise means our destiny. There is always a saying that goes, God knows our everything.  So in conclusion if God know our future is it right to say that God is responsible for our fate?   If not who, since it is something that we are not able to change within our physical means.
If the chapter of Revelation in the bible is a message to believers on what would happen to them during the second arrival of Jesus, then it will be justifiable to say that fate actually exist in Christianity. So now what about the others? Does this applies throughout for all religions? So fate is a natural occuring phenomenon or a religious forecast of our future?

No matter what, as far as I know, fate had already became a common language that everyone speak when they talk about things that is predestine. Whether does it really exist or not, it had long became something that everyone had accepted and it is just part of our life. Either a form of motivation or a form of demoralisation, depending on the situation.Often at times, fate had became a barrier to us when we were working towards a goal, that is presumably not reachable because of the fate we had believed. Nevertheless, I believe that if we are to work hard and effort is put in, fate can be change, since no one else, but us, is responsible for our own life. Things like getting good result in our studies, shouldn’t be something that is determine using fate. Well all I could say is that, we should bring along fate in our life, but not letting it carry us along.

Among 6.781 billion of people around the world and 4.48 million of people in Singapore, I happen to know any of you guys. Going on, among hundreds of secondary school, we got into the same school, among thousands of students, we became friends and of cause some of us got close. I had never thought that we would meet each other in our lives. What’s more I don’t have the choice on who I want to meet just like you too, so is this fate?

The main topic here today is that I was madly in love with this drama- Fated to love you! Till what extend? Till I rushed through 5-6 episode over a single night and only manage to catch my sleep at 5am RELUCTANTLY, firstly because I got reprimanded by my mum, secondly my eyes was disobeying and cannot sustain any longer! Never had I once, got so desperate in wanting to catch a drama, till I went over the net and stare at it for so long, I swear this was my first time. Something must be wrong with me, when I am like suppose to be be mugging for my O and I end up getting crazy over a drama, instead of my book! Furthermore, though is kinda of shame to share that I actually teared a few drops, to be exact only two drops of tear for the show! As you guys know I love show that can make me cry and turn emotional. Just for that, this show is definitely worth the catch, credible for the title of having the highest number of viewers in drama throughout Taiwan history! The love that is portrayed throughout the show is too sweet to be true, it makes me want to be in love too! Love the blend of humour and the emotional talk!

I am feeling so empty now, because I had already finished the whole show few days back.  Actually I had no intention to watch the last 2 episode  when I am already at the 22nd episode a week ago, knowing that it will be ending soon and I don’t want it to end so fast! Yeah is kinda of a stupid way to avoid the reality, but can’t help it because show end means no more shows, means I sad!

However is clear that I still didn’t got away from that temptation and I still ended up watching it after a pause of a few days. I was bloody angry about the ending, not what I wanted and is sort of lame to end at them delivering the baby! Unfortunately, because of that, the image of the show to me was sort of spoilt.  I will rate it 9.999999/10, because of the ending!

Fated to love you was my new pm on msn, and it had already become a controversy dicussion on who is the YOU! -.-! So I had decided to change the you to exam, since I am dating my Biology Textbook, preparing for our breakfast tomorrow. I am sure she will be the one that eat me up tomorrow! I am in a dead piece of shit now, neither here nor there, someone kill me please and tell me there is no biology paper 2 tomorrow! Please! :’(

Anyway I prefer studying human physiology, rather than plant, because they are green! Okay no link and random! Shit! Wordy post! :O Bye!